That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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