i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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