I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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