Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
