i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
