His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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