he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
