How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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