yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
