i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
