My cat gives me a boner
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
