I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
