I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
