Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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