I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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