just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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