In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my shit smells like andre
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
