TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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