my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
