NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
