my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
