I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
