The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
