Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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