i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
