I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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