dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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