My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
