I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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