It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
