is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
