Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize