I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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