after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
