I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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