Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
