The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
