It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
