you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
