So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
