How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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