Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
