Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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