His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
