everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
