If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize