It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
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have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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