I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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