Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
