tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
