You just made me feel so damn special
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
