We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.