just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
