Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
