Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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