She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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