Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
