The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize