who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
