Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
