What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
